By: Juhi Chowdhary
KOLKATA: In today’s world, we are living in a hell of our own making. With the #MeToo movement having spread like wildfire, imagine a world where children would voice their own #MeToo stories. My question is would we then have any childhood left in such children?
According to World Health Organization, 150 million girls and 73 million boys under the age of 18 are subjected to some form of sexual violence, and in almost 50 % of the cases, the perpetrator is known to the child.
Let us start by understanding what really is child abuse
The most common form is incestual abuse, where a cousin or uncle or any member of the family or extended family engages in sexual activity with the child.
Believe it or not, incestual sexual abuse is the most common and devastating type of abuse, as it completely distorts our perception we have of our own body.
Any violation of the child against his/ her will be it physical, sexual and emotional is considered child abuse.
I will not get into the technicalities of this, rather address one major question: Where and why does the shame come from?
The child being abused is clearly a child lacking understanding of what is happening to him or her. Thus, how does this shame evolve that is so profound that one cannot share this with anyone and can last a lifetime ?
What happens that most of us fail to understand is this: the human body is designed for pleasure, and abuse generally starts with small physical stimulation that the child could enjoy. However, at the back of his/her mind, the child is aware that “I am not supposed to.” This is when abuse is born.
For that child, a touch becomes something dirty, violated and shameful. Sex that is healthy and clean becomes something distasteful and wrong, hence such children, later on, have trouble developing both physical and emotional intimacy.
When the perpetrator is known to the child the trust gets violated.The child is confused that someone trusted is violating him or her. The child feels it must have been his/ her fault hence the shame is born along with feelings of betrayal and toxicity, that if not treated can last a lifetime.
Child abuse is most commonly reflected in the relationship patterns of individuals. Broken relationships, abusive ones and toxic ones are the most common examples.
One must remember that Child abuse is not something that only girls go through. Shockingly, boys are abused in the same capacity as girls.
Its effects are devastating. One of the reasons children grow up and abuse their bodies be it with drugs, alcohol, and sex is Child abuse. Because the first thing abuse does is, it makes you hate your body subconsciously.
How to prevent child abuse :
* Please have a free and open discussion with your child.
* Teach your child the actual names for their private body parts and not imaginary ones. The child inculcates a sense of shame right then and there if we do otherwise.
*Explain clearly to your child the difference between good touch and bad touch.
*Make your child comfortable enough and give such freedom to your child that he/she can engage in comfortable discussions and uninhibitedly ask questions.
*Do not ever engage in sexual intercourse in front of the child.
* If your child is curious about sex, please make sure he/ she knows that his/ her being curious is absolutely normal.
*Teach them about sex education.
* Be aware, speak up and encourage your child to do so even if you suspect something like this.
Speak up now! So that 10 years down the line, we would not need another #MeToo movement.
( Juhi Chowdhary is a psychologist and teacher by profession as well as writer by choice. She deals with issues that people try to evade due to societal prejudices and inhibitions.)
