By: Shantanu Das Sharma, Sr. Associate Editor, ICN Group
Quick recap of what we have covered in Part 36
TO DESIGN YOUR OWN DESTINY
Everything is Possible; It is Only a Question of Strategy
Success Rarely Happens by Chance, Success Happens by Design
Now, don’t we all want the freedom to do and to be whatever we choose to become?
Often it’s our die-hard habits that stand in our way!
If you do what everyone else does, you will get what everyone else gets!
Why You Must Start Setting Goals, Right Now!
If there is one message I must get across, it is this. You must start setting goals in every major area of your life. Right now, whatever your age, whatever you are doing. Without something to focus on, the decisions we make and actions we take daily will not have any long-term direction, and will not result in any kind of achievement. Without direction, we will be caught up with short term outcomes like paying the bills, watching our favorite television shows, going shopping, trying out the newest restaurant, avoiding problems or just making it through one hectic week after another. Like rats on a treadmill. We will tend to be caught up in a stressed and monotonous existence instead of designing a destiny and truly living.
You see, the human mind is always pursing some kind of goal, however feeble. If we don’t focus our mind on long term goals that lead us to success, our minds will tend to focus on short term and puny goals that end up wasting our time and distracting us.
Life is Like a Raging River Branching Out to Many Streams…
I always like to use a river as a metaphor for life. We are all in our boats moving down this raging river which splits into many tributaries downstream, representing the many outcomes. Which tributary we take will determine where we end up. When we are clear about which stream we want to take, we will begin rowing in that direction. Now, along the way, there are definitely going to be currents that pull us in different directions. There are going to be rocks and rapids that block our path. But if we stay focused on where we want to go, we will just keep rowing steadfastly, re-directing our boat until we get to our destination. However, if we go through life without any clear idea of where we are going and where we want to end up, we will just row our boats aimlessly. We will just allow the currents and the rocks to move us in all directions. This is what happens to most people. They end up going down a stream that they don’t want to be in. When they finally realize that it is not an outcome they want, they start paddling hard to avoid it. By this time, for many, it will be too late.
They go over the rapids (disaster) or finish up in a dead-end mill pond. They end up feeling frustrated, disillusioned and unfulfilled in the many different areas of their life. So, surely it is time to start deciding where you want to end up in your river of life!
What Prevents Most People from Designing their Life?
If setting clear goals is so crucial for us to achieve a successful and fulfilling future, then why do so many people fail to do it? Why are so many people allowing the river of life to pull them in all directions?
1) Limiting Beliefs
The first thing that holds most people back from setting goals are their limiting beliefs. Many people only dream about what they would love to have. When it comes to committing to a specific target and plan, they don’t even bother. Something inside them says ‘there is no way’. Either it’s too difficult or they simply don’t have what it takes. You now know that these are nothing but limiting beliefs. Unless we break these past generalizations about ourselves, we will never dare to design goals that drive us to the next level.
2) They Don’t Know What They Want
‘But… I don’t know what I want!’ This is probably one of the most common responses I get from people. I bet if I gave these people a magic lamp and told them that they would be granted anything they wish for, they will start making up a whole list of things real quick! It is not that people don’t know what they want. What has truly happened is that most people have stopped daring to dream. I believe that as kids, all of us had fantasies and dreams of what we wanted to have and be when we grow up. However, as we went through life, we met with so many failures and disappointments that our rational, critical mind has forbidden us to continue day dreaming anymore. Whenever we get excited about something, our internal voice will rush in to tell us, ‘It can’t be done’ ‘You cannot do that’ ‘That’s impossible’ ‘Grow up, get real’. (It could even be an echo of our parents’ voice, if we had stern, no-nonsense parents). As a result, this would block our creative juices and deflate our passion – the very elements we need to create and design the life we truly want. We need to learn how to unlock our imagination and set our creative minds FREE… free of fear and inhibitions so we can dream clearly and with growing excitement of what we truly want out of life.
3) Fear of Failure
This fear of failure, of rejection and embarrassment is what probably paralyzes most people from even starting out. I had a participant in one of my sessions who never dared set goals because of her intense fear of failing if she did not achieve what she had set her heart and mind to. In her mind, she reckoned that if she did not set expectations, then she could not fail! My dad did something similar when he was sitting for his graduation examinations over 40 years ago. He was sure he would fail maths (which he hated), and so he decided he would rather not take the exam than have a fail mark! Sounds crazy, but many people do the same thing. They believe that it is better not to have expectations, so they cannot let themselves down.
Does this mean that people who keep setting goals do not fear failure? I don’t believe so. I think everyone hates and fears the feeling of failure, including myself. What, then, gives them the courage to set high goals and go for it? It is how we define failure to ourselves. (Remember that we talked about this in the article on ‘values?’).
The only one who can tell us that we failed and make us feel bad is… ourselves. Yet, this is how we often shoot ourselves in the foot. The moment we do not achieve what we want, even on our first attempt, we tell ourselves we have failed, and feel really bad. This pain is what prevents us – and this goes for the majority of people – from daring to go for high stakes, to taking risks. People who constantly set expectations and go for it do so because they define failure differently. They believe that not getting what they set out for is not failure, but only feedback. They don’t feel bad about it at all. They believe that they only fail if they give up! As long as they keep going for it and do not give up, then they have not failed! This belief drives them to do anything, since they alone decide when (i.e. if they ever have to) to call it quits!
You can do the same thing for yourself. Let me ask you this question, ‘What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?’ Would you suddenly go out and do a lot of things you never dared to do? I bet you would. Then why don’t you go out and do it? After all, there is no way you can fail unless you give up! It is this belief that has driven me to go for the impossible! Did I achieve them all? Of course not, but it has stretched me so much and has gotten me so much more results than I would have had I not set such high targets.
4) Addiction to the Soft Life
Most people are risk averse because they are addicted to a way of life: a soft life, a cushy life with habits and material comforts they are loathed to change or risk losing. Unless that comfy lifestyle is imminently under threat, they won’t do anything that calls for iron will and discipline. Setting goals and really going for our goals often means changing habits, sacrificing time spent hanging out with friends. This is why people make half-hearted attempts. As soon as their new path impinges on their old habits, they withdraw…it’s too hard.
A friend who teaches a Detox and Energize self-help program says most people don’t stick to it because even if they believe in its long-term health benefits, they are not willing to work at it… and it is life-long work. They’d rather pop a pill (a drug) and dam the long-term consequences. There are no short-cuts to success in any area – business, career, health or personal relationships. So, be prepared to make what appears to be ‘sacrifices’ and, if you do, the rewards are there.
5) Setting Goals Don’t Work
‘I have tried setting goals, but they didn’t work.’ ‘Many people I know set goals, but they never achieve it, so they give up!’ This is another one of the most common responses I get. My reply is always ‘It’s not the goal that did not work, you did not work!’ Remember that setting goals in isolation will not get you what you want. However, they are the first and major key to the ultimate success formula. If you don’t follow up with your goals by developing a strategy, taking action and changing your strategy from feedback, you will not be successful! When you don’t get what you want, it is merely part of the feedback you get on your journey of getting to what you want. When you have no specific goals, you will tend to go towards whatever influences you in the short term. You will be like a sheep following other sheeps around you. After some time, you will move all over the place and end up going nowhere. When you set a clear goal and focus on it, you will make the decisions and take the actions that will move you there. As you take action and follow your plans, you will move towards what you want. But very rarely is the path a straight and easy one. Along the way, soon enough, you will encounter some obstacles, set backs and frustrations. It could be in the form of a rejection, a lost business deal or even a business failure. At this point, there will always be a group of people (I estimate 30%), who will give up on their dream. These are the ones who will live in fear all of their life and never dare to shoot for anything anymore.
The remaining people (the 70%) will not let one setback stop them. They will quickly recover and take action again. Sure enough, along the way, failure will strike again. At this stage, another group of people will give up, say maybe another 30%. The remaining 40% will pick themselves up and keep taking action. So along the way to their goals, more and more people will keep giving up as they encounter one setback after another. It is only the remaining 5% that finally reach their goals.
(I facilitate Thought Leaders, Change Makers; Professionals & Business Owners translate NLP concepts into actions to achieve and elicit personal excellence. I conduct NLP Lifestyle Coaching Certification programs for individuals, corporate and celebrity clients. In the next article, you will learn about Why You Must Start Setting Goals. And after that you will come to know in subsequent articles, how you can utilize concepts of NLP+ in all walks of your life to replicate the success blueprint of a winner mindset to win through life. So, stay tuned every Monday & Saturday and fasten your seat belt to ‘Enhance Your Lifestyle With NLP+’)
Shantanu Das Sharma, Creator of the concept NLP Lifestyle Coaching with NLP+ and Founder of Neuromind Leadership Academy is an Amazon #1 Best Selling Author, NLP+ Lifestyle Master Trainer & Coach, First Certified Social Panorama Consultant in Eastern India directly trained under Dr. Lucas Derks, Clean Language Facilitator & Strategic Interventionist. To explore about NLP+ Lifestyle Coaching you may visit http://shantanudassharma.com/nlp-lifestyle-coaching/
